The Girl with the Flaxen Hair
by nemaara
Summary: She always watches from the side, just watching, waiting, but she never has the courage to go up and tell her. And so she is always alone... Oneshot - Raven/Terra


Disclaimer: Teen Titans isn't mine

Inspired by Debussy's prelude of the same name...

Not one of my usual pairings, but thought I might try it. Very drabbly - since honestly, I was trying to figure out how the pairing worked.

Also, it turned out a lot more fluffy than I had originally imagined, but I suppose that's not necessarily a bad thing.

"Speech"

_Thoughts_

* * *

_Watching, from the window. Dreaming, in the sunlight. Life is free, uninhibited, and yet I can do nothing but sit here and stare at her... she is so close; I could just stretch out a hand and touch her, and there she would be. So close... within reach... but I can't. I can't let myself get close to anyone. _

_If only you knew how I felt... if only I could show a shred of emotion. Instead of this ice cold facade. It is a mask that I wear, a veil that I detest, but one that I require. Or else my cursed powers will destroy everything around me. No feelings. None at all - not even a little. So she will never know. _

_If only I could express it in some way..._

A pair of solitary violet eyes stared out from a window. They glided over the landscape first - it was sunny, cloudless, bright and beautiful - everything the opposite of she was. Then toward the sandy shore surrounding the tower, where five people were playing in the water and around it, building sand castles, splashing each other, laughing... they were happy. _  
_

And she, again, had opted not to join them. Not because she didn't like the sun - which she didn't - or being splashed unceremoniously by lukewarm water while trying to read... no, it was fear.

_I cannot bear to be near her. I cannot... if she comes too close, I fear I will no longer be able to hold it back. I'm afraid that... _

The violet eyes shifted nervously. There was a whole, glorious, vast scene before her, of the sparkling ocean and the towering skyscrapers in the distance, the majestic, open sky, but she had eyes for only one thing. One person.

That girl, with the flaxen hair. Terra.

Why?

Emotions were a difficult thing. Despite being an empath, she still had a hard time understanding why they came about, why they were even there. Part of her wished that she could just be an emotionless robot, so that she wouldn't have to deal with forcing them back all the time. So that, even when she forced them back, she would not have to deal with the faint sense of melancholy that seemed to pervade the air around her.

But she was not emotionless, and even if she was an expert at repression, even she could not escape the slight sensation of hollowness inside her. Very slight, but so disturbing because it shouldn't have been there.

It shouldn't have been there at all. Not for someone like Terra. They were so opposite. Terra was the golden girl, the popular, pretty one. The one who everyone liked. _And I am the freak. Loner. The ugly witch. So why? _

Why had it happened?

They had gotten off to a pretty rocky start. Hell, they had hated each other. At first.

And then it had turned to grudging acceptance. A slight understanding. They both were fighting a never ending battle for control over their powers. Trying not to destroy everything around them. Their lives were not easy, and both of them understood that. Understood each other's issues, because they shared them. So they accepted each other.

_Even with Slade. I knew why she did it. She needed a way... a way to stop getting out of control... and we didn't give it to her. So she had to turn to someone else. She didn't realize how manipulative he was until too late. I understood that. She might have said all those things, but... I'm an empath, after all. I could tell. She was a mess inside. It was all chaos. She didn't know what to do - it was only his voice driving her on. So she followed it blindly, until it was almost too late. But then she fought him off... _

And nearly sacrificed herself. But eventually, Raven had found a way to reverse the stoning process and brought Terra back. Back to them, as the newest addition to their team, but secretly, without anyone else knowing, brought back as Raven's hidden interest.

Because, as they opened up to each other, little by little, she realized that, despite their outward appearances, they were not too different.

Determined, strong willed - their fight over their powers had made them both that way. Which was why they had clashed initially, but now they grew to recognize and even like each other for that. Neither of them gave up. Maybe led astray, but never defeated in spirit. And both of them had learned that the other could be more affectionate - more perceptive - than either of them had originally thought. Perhaps Terra came across as a little brash, but the girl was honest with her feelings. Ever since the Slade incident, she seemed to have lost any ability to lie, and so even if she was a little... high strung, it was not unlike her to show great kindness.

And in Raven's case, Terra found out the same way all the other Titans did. Raven's affection was shown through action, never through her own body. But it was there, and she grew to appreciate it. Always protecting her, trying to help her control her powers, a source of peace and comfort...

Until recently.

Until, inexplicably, Raven had started avoiding everyone. Especially Terra. For no apparent reason at all...

The violet eyes tore away from the window.

_I think too much. I need to meditate. _

A hooded figure withdrew into the darkness of her room and she crossed her legs, floating up above the ground.

_Relax. Condense all of your emotions... and dispel them. Azarath, metrion, zinthos... __Azarath, metrion, zinthos... _

She shook her head. _I feel nothing. My emotions are all gone. So why do I still feel so empty? This is ridiculous. This - don't get worked up. Calm. Calm. ____Azarath, metrion, zinthos... _

The darkness surrounded her, but did nothing to mitigate the void within her body. Not even as everything faded to blackness...

* * *

Walking through the grey streets in the rain. Wandering the paths of the city, aimlessly, not even bothering to raise her hood, letting her wet locks of hair straggle across her face. But she didn't care.

_Empty... empty... empty... hollow. _

A couple of teenagers passed by her, and recognizing her, attempted to speak. But she looked up and at that hollow, gaunt look, the teens backed away, fearful of the dark aura that had suddenly appeared around her.

She bit her lip. _Everyone fears me. Everyone... why should I care? I feel nothing. I'm only a shell. Empty... _

Wandering... alone.

_If I think about it, this isn't so bad. At least in this state, I won't have to worry about controlling my powers. If I feel nothing, nothing will go out of control. _

She looked up into the water droplets falling from the clouds. _It's... calm. Cooling. Yes. I need to cool down. Reassess. I don't need anyone else. I'm fine being alone. I should be alone. I shouldn't let people get near me. That's too dangerous._

_But..._

She bowed her head. _It's a matter of what I should do. So why do I still feel so desolate?__  
_

Just faintly melancholic. Barely, but it was the only emotion left within her and it dominated the barren void within her. Overshadowed her forsaken body.

And the rain fell about her relentlessly.

No, not even a rain. Just a light drizzle. A chaotic pitter-patter around her, with no regular rhythm. Nothing more than a mist, clinging to her skin and clothes, filling the dry well within her with the fresh, clear water of pure sorrows...

Abruptly, she felt the rain stop falling on her - blocked by something - and turned.

A girl - a flaxen haired girl - held up an umbrella above her head.

"Raven... wow, you're soaked."

She paled. "Terra-"

She made a move to leave, but Terra caught her wrist. "I've been looking for you all day, and now you try to run away from me? Geez."

Raven's violet eyes scanned the ground. "I... sorry."

Terra raised an eyebrow. "Are you... okay?"

_No, I'm not. I feel nothing. I can't feel anything except emptiness. And the one thing that can fill that void lies beyond my grasp. _"I'm... fine."

"Oh, really?-" Terra broke off as she looked at Raven's face. "Sorry. I didn't mean - here, let's go inside. There's a tea shop around her if I remember correctly. Raven-"

The violet haired girl took a moment to respond. "Oh... okay."

Terra looked at her oddly, but Raven's blank stare was inscrutable. Sighing, she pulled the other girl inside a nearby building and led them to a corner before going up to the counter and ordering a couple of drinks.

"Here," she returned to Raven a minute later, setting a steaming mug of tea down in front of her.

"Thanks," the dark Titan murmured.

She blew gently at the tea, then sipped at it lightly. Frowned a little - it burned her tongue, and yet still failed to provide any heat to her body.

"Something's wrong," Terra said quietly. This time, it wasn't a question. "You can talk to me, you know."

"Nothing's wrong."

Terra rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest. "Sure. You know, you're not gonna fool me. I've said that line so many times..."

Raven bit her lip. "I can't talk... not to you."

Terra leaned in. "Why? Don't think I don't know. You've been avoiding me. I want to know why."

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"I just can't. Terra, please-"

"Raven," she replied firmly. "You need to talk."

"Not really."

"If not to me, then to someone. But seriously, you look like you're-"

"Going to explode? Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't feel anything-"

Terra shook her head. "Depressed is more like it. Raven, none of us likes seeing you like this-"

"It's just the way I am. There's no reason for it."

"There has to be!" Terra's voice raised in volume a bit, and then she blushed, hoping that she didn't disturb anyone else.

"There isn't."

"There is. You're just being stubborn."

"I'm not-"

"Yes you are. You're a lot like me. We both know that. I had things to hide before, and I never told anyone. Remember how that turned out?"

"We're different."

"Really? I don't think so."

"Well you're wrong," Raven sipped down the last of her tea and stood. "I'm going now. You don't need to follow me. I'll be fine alone."

The violet haired girl glided out the door and Terra swore under her breath.

She slapped some money down on the table and ran out after the other girl.

"Raven, wait!"

The hooded figure did not turn. She floated down the street, zigzagging a little, as if drunk, or maybe just extremely distracted. Terra followed her, and as they reached the beaches on the bay shore, she caught up.

She put a hand on Raven's shoulder and the demoness suddenly shuddered, jerking forward, as if the touch burned.

"Terra," she whispered. "Please..."

"Why won't you let me in? What's wrong? Please, tell me-"

"You don't want to know."

"I do! We used to tell each other lots of things! I thought we were friends-"

"We are."

"But you're avoiding me now!"

"I'm avoiding everyone."

"Me more than most of them. Everyone's noticed it."

"I'm not saying a word," Raven half muttered, half growled, then turned away.

"I'm not letting go of you," Terra's grip on Raven's shoulder tightened and the other girl spun around stumbling slightly in the process.

Raven leaned forward, and suddenly their faces were close - very close, with maybe only an inch separating them. For some reason, she could not move. Frozen in place, transfixed by Terra's face in front of her own, the fine, strong, but delicate features, her sparkling, azure eyes, and the flaxen hair, wet and curled around her...

Closer, closer - but Raven knew that she wasn't the one moving. So Terra was the one closing the little distance that remained... _why? _

"What are you-"

Raven's eyes widened abruptly as Terra's lips met hers, just briefly.

And then the flaxen haired girl drew back sharply. "Sorry," she said hurriedly. "I don't know what just came over me. Sorry. Sorry, sorry-"

Raven stood there, stunned as Terra muttered a storm of apologies at her. Confused, the chaotic emotions, repressed inside her, boiling out in a tangled mess - utterly bewildered, and maybe even a little dismayed...

There was a hand on her face. "Raven, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Why did you..." her mouth moved of its own accord.

Terra's gaze shifted toward the ground. "Well... I don't want to lie to you... but you might not like the truth."

Raven remained silent. Terra chewed on her lip. "I... I think I like you. Like I mean _like _you. Not just as a friend. I mean, _like _you-"

The violet haired girl felt something stir inside her. Her knees weakened slightly, and suddenly she lurched forward more and found herself being supported by the other girl.

"Raven? Raven- oh god, I knew I shouldn't have said-"

"No," Raven breathed out, steadying herself. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I... I thought that I was being dumb. There was no way you would feel the same way, and besides, you're a girl too-"

"That doesn't matter," Raven said breathlessly. "That doesn't matter at all."

Terra paused. "Wait. So you mean that-"

The dark Titan nodded. "I didn't know. I was _afraid-_"

"So that's why- ohhh..." Terra blushed and laughed softly, scratching the back of her head. "Oh. I can't believe I didn't pick up on that."

"I don't blame you," Raven murmured. "My fault. I should have-"

"Don't talk like that! Nothing's your fau-"

"It is. Besides, I'll speak however I want- mmpf-"

Raven broke off as Terra kissed her again. And grinned. "Shh. Argue with me about it later."

"I- that's fine with me," Raven whispered.

They leaned in at the same time, locked together in the falling rain. And her senses were filled with nothing but the sweet taste of the other girl's mouth pressed against her own, the rain dripping down her face, the slow, rhythmic patter and the sight of Terra's flaxen hair veiling the world around them.


End file.
